Theme of the week: Recalibrate

This week was blended, mushed and smashed into a blur. Mother nature demanded attention last week with snow, freezing rain, power outages and trees literally throwing them at us. This week, was supposed to be a bit more back to normal. 

Oh expectations, why do I even keep you around? 

So, the theme for this week became recalibrate. Basically meaning "re-adjusting". 

Perspectives:

Often due to experience perspectives can get squeezed into a very narrow view. 

People who look through keyholes are apt to get the idea that most things are keyhole shaped.  ~Author Unknown 

Dolly graduated dog training this Monday, three weeks of doggie training bootcamp. She went through a refresher on obedience, got an intro to agility, worked on her confidence - especially around strangers and she also went through remote collar training. Here is a piece of the back story on why Eli and I decided to make the investment and send Dolly to RiverDog for training. Dolly is a rescue, even after having her for three years Eli and I would never begin to tell you we know everything about her. In August, she showed some troubling signs of being nervous which in some instances borderlines aggression. Triggered mostly by strangers entering the home, or a stranger hugging or in general crowding her. After new people arrive and settle she normally flops down near them and calls it good. 

If I was to take a guess, I might throw out the idea that Dolly knew and knows I am expecting, and her behavior was more due to being protective. One reason is that Dolly was extra wary and "on-guard", pacing and watching out the windows when I was home alone without Eli. 

Switching gears, I have noticed a shift in my own behavior. Pregnancy hormones? I seem to become more easily distracted by others emotions and strong opinions. Most of my friends, family and even past trainers are solidly in camp of approving of Dolly's training. However, there is a little camp of people that truly believe that using a remote collar is uncalled for, and inhumane. This camp, even though small throws some fast pitch questions and comments around the subject. I never once felt I gave them a satisfactory explanation to my reasoning and decision. I end up feeling like I took a softball to the gut, unable to deflect the punch I felt of their disapproving remarks. 

The bottom line, everyone has opinions. What can be dangerous is holding on to those opinions so tightly that they become your unwavering perspective. Without room to learn there is little room to live.

Attitudes:

“We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.” - Ian Percy

This quote has captivated me this week. The idea of judging others isn't something that can be turned off. I wish. So this week, if I was able I tried to ask people about how they came to a particular decision,  and a couple of times to go so far as directly ask them what their intention was. What I found is the behavior I see and their said intentions were sometimes close, but not dead on to what I had thought. It isn't easy to slow down and be a bit more calculated before jumping on an emotional judgement train. I only have so much brain space!

However, I deeply value the relationships I have created. I always have. There are times where I do indeed find that a person's behaviors go so far beyond my values that I struggle with even respecting them that I do have to let them go. Let the good times be memories and make space for new connections.

That said, I don't pull over the car and ask people to be gone forever because of a smelly attitude, or a human mistake. I am the ultimate person who decides how I feel. What is tough is when I find myself frowning upon someone's behavior repeatedly. For example the friend that says she will come to an event and flakes. The family member that only calls when they need something, but doesn't return calls when I do. The people that are given money to help with necessities that purchase luxury items and leave out the groceries and bills. Or the people that have a sour word to share about everyone they care about, and you know they must have them for you too.

This week, I have struggled. Realizing that my rollercoaster attitude, especially with hormones rushing around needs to be readjusted here and there; whether on the mat, going out to visit with the animals, asking questions or sometimes letting things go, it just needs to happen.

Assumptions:

"Your assumptions are the windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in" - Alan Alda

Communication is the common thread of all my pet peeves. Especially around how and what people decide to communicate on.

As I sat on my bed this morning, I kept my eyes closed and my hands firmly resting on my now prominent turnip-baby-belly, I realized something. I haven't really told the baby I love her. I do don't I? Right? Even thought I haven't met her I, I do love her. Maybe it is instinctual but it's love. I told myself right then and there that I would never hesitate to tell her I loved her again.

It is too easy for us to let a week go by and assume people know we care. Our lives get busy with excuses. Then the moments when we are magically able to gather we use that time, retrospectively I see that it was purely taken for granted.

One person I admire that never takes our time for granted is my friend Colleen. She has broken new ground and triumphs in sharing her appreciation of our friendship and of me. I didn't even know people did that! What a treasure to be thanked for my time, for our conversations and the memories created.

To my knowledge we get one, very special life. Each day literally is gifted to us as a way start again. We get to choose how we spent and invest our precious 24 hours. I hope to eventually master the skill of spending most of my time appreciating and clearly communicating my thanks. I hope to forget my ways of assuming people know I care, and burn any thoughts that pass through that lead me to that conclusion. Even if people know, I will find joy in reminding them.