The Anniversary of Clara's Arrival

Birthdays are about celebration, cake, friendship right? Reflection seems to be a new element that only the secret members of those in a parents club mention. 

I have been given a lot of time to think, progress, mash, mold, analyze and catalog the experience of me going from Lyndi to pregnant Lyndi to Lyndi the mom. Whew!

Clara's birthday celebration with the brilliant suggestion of Eli was at a local park, in fact my current favorite place to visit, Lake Wilderness. We rented a little shelter that came with enough space and seating for all those who decided to join us. I made minimal effort beyond taking care of Clara and I to prepare. I didn't cry as I once would have predicted. It felt unnecessary, there wasn't any steam or pressure to let out. I had already done that. I gave it away, and those I trusted to bare the weight were right there with me through the journey. 

The day came and went with a few handfuls of photos to treasure. 

What I now realize is that Clara's delivery was an event however it was the journey that followed that held the true obstacles. 

In these last twelve months I have learned I am the mother to a little person. An individual who loves Starbucks pumpkin bread, snuggling as close as possible just before she goes asleep that asks where Dad is periodically throughout the weekday. She is bright, inquisitive, has a sweet sense of humor an enjoys the comfort of her mom and Dad. Snuggling animals is reasonable whether the creature is 7lbs or 1,200lbs they all need to be given snuggle hugs. 

I truly love her. I love that Eli, her Dad loves her. I love how she is loved by her Aunt, her family and our friends. I am learning to be curious about our love. Let her explore and watch her in amazement. I am learning to be brave and take her on adventures. I am learning to let go and be more compassionate, patient and communicate with more clarity. 

Happy Birthday to our little Clara. 

Mentors Sent by the Universe

Seems silly to drive four miles to walk four miles, however I do it. Dolly, our 65lb fluffy family dog has been accompanying Clara and I for walks recently. The mini adventure is a hybrid of quiet time for Clara, exercise for the dog and I and for everyone some fresh air for reflection. 

For the last few months I have honored my priorities of health, relationship with my husband and current commitments. It was the focus that saved my mind, removed distractions, and primed my future for adventure. 

This has been my space, as safe consistent place for me to get ideas organized into sentences to be shared and reviewed later. However, one concept has leaked beyond this space: an adventure a day. With friends, family, neighbors and even complete strangers I have preached the power of exploring the world and having an adventure everyday. 

From four corners in Maple Valley to the bridge just outside of the community center and back again is about four and a half miles. On Monday I found myself taking advantage of a rain free moment to explore my favorite low key trail carrying the babe in the Ergo and walking alongside my canine friend, Dolly. Just before I reached the bridge I saw an almost movie like scene mixing reality with an old west film. A man fixed up with a cowboy hat was riding his red spotted horse with a young mule following behind. He stopped and our conversation ranged in topics from trail advice, Buck Brannman, local horse groups to horse training. Then the question bubbled up, "do you offer lessons?" He did. 

We setup a time for Tuesday to have him meet my thoroughbred Cody. Before he came I wrote down a list of expectations I had.  

Expectations:

He will be firm yet compassionate with my horses and me

He will acknowledge my positive skills, progress and commitment. 

He will appreciate having a job with me

He will communicate his needs and give me clear expectations. 

He will listen

I will speak my mind, concerns and ask questions. 

I will treat my horses and myself with compassion 

Writing the list down gave me a chance to setup, prepare for the event. How would I know we were successful? If we met those expectations then something was going the right directions. 

Proud to say that all of those expectations were met. The experience transported me into a world that tapped into my curiosity to learn, improve and be guided. 

That evening another mentor came out of the woodwork. When Clara was very small I decided to be brave and introduce myself to the new Crossfit like business that had opened up. I ended up giving free marketing, website, content strategy, SEO consulting and other user acquisition advice away in hopes it would save them time and make their success a little easier. Months later Deanne reached out being the universe's messenger that I had finished enough work in the emotional and mental departments that it was now time to step up the physical. Last night I had my first session and it was fantastic working with both Travis and Deanne. 

Once again I am thankful to be in a place in my life that has space for mentors. I am deeply thankful that my husband, my partner as well as my friend is rolled into one amazing person that cheers me on every step of the way. 

Questions to Me From K. - Enriching Friendship

1. When you think of your life in 5 years, if you had unlimited resources and time, where would you be and what would you be doing?
Most recently I found myself adding to a note on my phone titled, "I secretly want". The first thing on that list is to own and be a designer for the countries best music videos. Every song I listen to since I was a kid evokes vivid images and eventually gets polished into an elaborate story. My imagination is still alive and well. In my personal life I would take Clara on more adventures, and break Eli out of work to go explore the world. I would dive deep into the world of angel investing in entrepreneurs. Somehow I would wiggle my way into some kind of job or role at Tesla. I would work on silencing the negative voices in my head by making yoga a habit instead of an activity I sometimes attend. My yard would look like I am retired but at the same time I would never hesitate to invite friends and their kids over to explore and play in the gardens. I would travel, get to know a stranger a day and Vlog about it. Somehow I would set the stage to be able to give other people the freedoms I have so deeply appreciated.

2. If there was one thing you could change to make the world a better place, what would you change?

Excellent question. First thing that bubbled up was some critical thoughts about the US culture. Paranoia, the itchy trigger fingers of gun owners willing to take a life for a stolen TV or lawnmower, the desire to be so individual that our communities dissolve into nameless faces we pass at the grocery store without any acknowledgement. Often when I explore this idea I find myself back at the deep need we have for supportive communities. We as humans are creatures that enjoy and greatly benefit from our herd. Think global, act local - I would wave my magic want and summon everyone to get know their neighbors, share meals, visit each other's homes, assist one another, ask what their name is again, and feed that desire we all have to be accepted and loved.

3. What are you top three travel destinations and why?

While being a homebody often blinds me from all the exotic brochures out there I do have a list.

1. Chincoteague, Virginia - I want to see the wild horses that still roam there. Plus, I have a fond memory of my Dad calling me from his hotel room in Virginia, telling me that he could see dolphins jumping in the waves. 
2. Yellowstone - I want to see so many bison, elk and other creatures that my head spins with delight. My favorite nature documentaries are focused on the complex ecosystem of Yellowstone. 
3. Europe - Not exactly sure where however I want to see what all the fuss is about. I know quite well that as soon as I see a real castle I will fall in love.

4. If you were impervious to pain/death for one day, what would you go do?

Something heroic sounds amazing! Wonder woman for a day, minus the the super strength and stop rival gangs from hurting people, or saving people from burning buildings.Or something entertaining like swimming to the bottom of the ocean.

5. What is your biggest dream that you hope to accomplish in your lifetime?

I want to give people freedom. That might mean I become an angel investor and help fund their big idea come to life, it might mean providing sponsorship for them to get the marriage counseling they need, or connect them with a job that allows them to be flexible and take care of an aging parent. Whatever it is, that is the kind of hero I want to be.

6. If you could pick anyone from anytime to be a mentor, who would you choose?

Going to pick two, Melinda Gates and Tina Fey. I would learn lifetimes worth of knowledge and have a blast while doing it!

7. If you had time to yourself with zero obligations…what would you do?

At this very moment I can't help but fantasize about exploring the Alpine Wilderness on horseback with Eli. Spending summers in that beautiful country left a sweet flavor that I crave and look forward to sharing with Eli.

8. How do you make tough decisions?

After the emotions come rushing in and make a mess of things? Well, I spent some time sorting through the mess and then my logical self kicks into gear. I look at what is most realistically going to happen, what my options are and then I throw a splash of creativity on that in hopes that I can think of another perspective. Making the decision is the tough part, sometimes it is very calculated like getting married, other times it's immature and experimental like buying a new car. I know no matter what everything will be OK.

9. What song has resonated with you most recently?

This song has been speaking to me since January, The Tempest by Pendulum: http://youtu.be/vNQ0uT08K2A

10. What book or movie could you read/watch over and over again?

The easy road is what my brain is requesting so I am choosing movie. I used to watch movies over and over again, literally when the movie ended, I set the VCR on rewind and waited then pressed play again. There are a couple movies that fit into this category but I am going to go with the Shawshank Redemption, followed by Forrest Gump, Where Brother Where Art Thou and to throw everyone off Robocop.

11. What is the ideal comfort food?

I wish it was mangos. It would be even easier if it was lettuce. Currently if you wanted to be my best friend forever you would let me borrow or give me a snuggie and deliver fresh hot cinnamon rolls. Damn those things are evil.

My Answers - Enriching Friendship

I decided to send out a survey to close friends and others that said they were interested with the following questions. Here are my answers to the 10 questions I sent out. (the 11th question was sent to me from a friend responding to the survey)

1. Whether you spent the time flipping pages, reading it on an eReader or listening to an audio book what book has recently inspired you? Most recently I have been inspired by Tribal Leadership. Since my time is limited it was consumed in audio form. (You can get it for free here: http://www.culturesync.net/toolbox/tribal-leadership-audio-book/) A quick summary, I used to believe a good place to work gave me a comfortable salary, a spot with a window and plenty of projects and papers I was responsible for. After listening to Tribal Leadership I found a new vision, one that I had been discovering, that a great place to work will be a place where everyone believes and acts on the attitude that one another is truly great, talented and valuable.

2. Adventure? Transition? Mountains and valley? In the last few months what would you say has been the recent theme of your life? Weaning away from the nasty habit of self sabotage, instead bravely seeking adventure.

3. Couch to 5k, dealing with illness, or taking on a new role, what advice do you have to overcome obstacles? Surround yourself with positive successful people that will support and inspire you. Over extension will make everything suffer, choose priorities wisely for they are where you plant the seeds of the future.

4. "Be the change you want to see in the world" by Gandhi is a quote that has stuck with me for many years, do you a quote that has continued to resonate with you? There are many quotes that speak to me, however a majority of them are from Ralph Waldo Emerson. This one I refer to often as a simple life guide: "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded".

5. What world event (within the last 20 years) currently stands out the most to you? 9/11 stands out, yet what made it real was to have friends, children really be transformed from friends to soliders, then to be wounded and turned fearful and bitter towards the world. The wars haunt me.

6. What is one lesson you believe you should have been taught in highschool? Personal finance. It's a tough subject that starts too many young people off on a negative path of financial pain and suffering.

7. What do the words happy and joy mean to you? Happy is temporary and normally involves smiling, laughing or feelings of euphoria. Joy is longer lasting and is often felt under the sweat of a job well done.

8. At the end of the day what matters most? Being thankful.

9. If you were given the right to put any message up on all the billboards in the US for one week, what message would you want to share? Make friends with those you fear and then you will have no fear and more friends.

10. While appreciating the present is very important, what are you currently looking forward to in the future? Adventure! Mini adventures everyday.

11. How has having a baby, a beautiful combination of you and your husband, changed you? And how has is changed your relationship with your husband/parents/siblings/friends? There is more joy than challenges but the challenges have been painful. Pains between those closest to me bubble up faster, this has made or seriously broken many relationships in a short amount of time. Those willing to stick with me, support me and get to know my daughter have become heroes and I am eternally grateful.

Someday Instead if Writing

Someday instead of writing I will:

Smile as we catch up over a cup of coffee. Share memories and breakout into hysterical laugher.

Hug you until it's awkward hoping its clear I never want to go back, only forward together.

Invest miles without hesitation to see each other again.

Share a moment in time with my daughter, one I will capture in a picture and treasure.

Dear best friend, dear care giver, dear family someday I won't be writing. Someday...

Become the Change I Want to See

In the beginning there are questions:

• Why did this happen?
• Can what I give me more than what I take? 
• Who should I invest in?
• Can I make this world better for those who proceed me? 
• Where do I go from here?
• Can I find the means to empower those around me? 

These questions of high expectations and standards are necessary for perspective. Carving away at memories, scars, even emotions is a task for those looking to become skilled craftsmen. Often times the work is tedious, repetitive and the progress is rarely satisfying since it's hard to touch, smell or see.

Filter thoughts through, "how can I make a positive impact" and watch it wash away the distractions and leave behind a beautiful guide to life.

The Universe is Speaking Again

and I am learning to listen.

The Theme: Adventure

The Tulip festival, Woodland Park Zoo, Leavenworth, heck even the Wine country have now all come into view as potential destinations of adventure. These visions are now clearer than ever before thanks to a friend reminding me I didn't need to have permission, I didn't need to wait and everyday is full of adventures to be had. I swallowed that advice like medicine  bitter at first due to regret of not realizing it sooner but it finished with a sweet and mysterious taste that made me hungry for adventure. This week I am celebrating baby steps of adventure, being fully present especially in Mom mode.

Thank you Universe, friends, and family for encouraging adventure in every area of my life.

It's Not Luck - It's a Learned Skill

Many moons ago Eli and I found ourselves branching out and attempting to do Kundalini, a style of yoga I would lean towards more the meditative and spiritual site of the spectrum. In what felt to be eternity I was given a challenge I never thought I could accomplish, just sit there and think NOTHING. A clear mind is not a gift, nor can it be given. Having all the voices within my head silence, without friction backing down to relax their incessant badgering and bickering was a bit like herding toddlers that broke into the Pixy Stix factory. Clearing the mind, sinking into the ground with full faith the earth will hold you while you relax is not a talent it is indeed a skill. That was my first active lesson in learning that most of life, most of the challenges I face are not dealt with by magic, luck, or even by raw talent they are managed and conquered by skills I develop, polish and refine.